Well, Ive been sitting around the house lately, with a lot of thoughts running through my head…thinking about how things are and how things have been. And I just want to throw them all out there…and if it makes anyone mad, Im sorry, if it helps then Im glad….
Things your mom MIGHT have told you and might not have….
1. In every persons life, there is going to come a time, where you have to make choices….some are easier than others, and some you have to give up a lot to make something else happen. In my short 24 years, Ive made the easy choice, and realized to my dismay that it wasnt what I really wanted….so the next time it came around, I made that hard choice..the one where I was unsure of the outcome, worried, but I just had to lay it all in Gods hands and say there it is….and you know something, sometimes I think that just maybe thats what we are supposed to do. We’re supposed to be unsure, we’re supposed to “live on the edge” and thats what life is made of! If you never risk anything, then what is there to gain? My point is that you shouldnt be afraid of doing the unexpected, or doing the thing that may not look like what you pictured it would look like. Remember that things are never as they seem, and just like my mom always used to tell us, never judge a book by its cover. God works in mysterious ways and there might be an oasis around that big mountain in front of you, but you’ll never know til you start climbing.
2. DONT GIVE UP!!! As Military spouses, and even being a civilian wife with a husband that has to travel from time to time, you have to look at the big picture of it all. I know that there are times, in deployments, where you just want to give up, and you just want it to be easy again. You dont want to be alone and you are tired of not getting “what you deserve” out of your partner….but those are the times, to hold on tight, dig those heels in and remember…..take the time to sit down and watch home videos, or look at old pics, think about old times…and remember all the dreams and plans you have….those dreams havent changed all because of a 7 month deployment, or a 6 month float…come on! Hold on and remember the wants and desires, and the feeling of being there with him. Just remember, if you end it then, and you begin it with someone else, then you have to go through all the hard parts that you have already tackled with your current partner…so why? Why not stick it out and put that effort into showing them just how much you love them. Believe me, HOMECOMING is worth it!!!! To wrap your arms around someone that you havent been able to touch for 7 months, to feel those butterflies all over again…its worth it!
3. A Friend in Need is a friend indeed…..No matter what Ive been through, this has been and still is the hardest lesson to learn. I want so much to like people and to accept them and to have as many friends as possible that I forget that there are people out there, that are users and backstabbers, and betrayers. And to be honest, we all have probably at least once in our lives not been the kind of friend that we would want. The biggest load of advice that I can give about this, is to take it slowly…get to know the person, get to know their families…their likes and dislikes….find out what kind of relationships they have and have had in the past. WHat kinds of things do they want to do with you? Is it stuff that your partner would be upset about? Is it stuff that you wouldnt be proud to call home to mom and say hey we’re going here….remember, we all have people looking up to us, whether that be children, brothers, sisters, neices, nephews….we all are setting the example. What kind of example do you want to be?
4. And , just know that there are always people out there that support you and love you and want the very best for you….even though it may not seem that way right now. Sometimes there are exceptions to every rule…but thats just it, they are EXCEPTIONS, and more times than not, it may be exactly how it looks to everyone else, you just have blinders on and are in denial. Most people wont tell you the truth, because they would rather you figure it out on your own than get mad at them, but you all know me, and know that Im not that kind of person.
5. “Birds of a Feather Flock Together”….Well this one is more controversial…but its something that I can see a LOT in my life. My mom always told us that Birds of a feather flock together….so in other words, hang out with people that you wouldnt mind people judging you by your friends actions….surround yourself with people that are good influences, not bad ones….surround yourselves with positive influences not ones that people can automatically assume make you look bad. I know it may be judgemental, but honestly, how many times do we think bad of someone just because of the company that they keep?! Friends are friends because they have common interests, so make sure that you buddy up with people that keep other peoples vision of you untainted.
6. “If it looks like poop….chances are it probably is…..” How horrible is this one? Basically just saying before you get into a situation, then annalyze it ahead of time. Take the time, to see the bad not only the good. If its a friend, and you notice that they have a LOT of enemies…then find out why. And heaven forbid you dont and then they end up doing the same thing to you…..God knows its happened to me, one too many times. Basically just learn your lesson and dont just take someones word that they have changed…make sure that their actions show that they have put some forth of an effort. And if it happens more than once, dont wait around for it to happen again!! There are BILLIONS of people on this world, and there are probably many people around you that are looking for new friends….so dont just be friends with someone because you knew them in the past. Be cautious, this is your life, your family, your feelings on the line…why chance it again???
7. Nothing is certain…..Just know that Nothing, or anyone is certain. It could all change with a turn of the dime, and you just have to prepare yourself with any and all circumstances. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst….be an optimist…remember the glass is half full!!!!
8. And when those bad times come around, because they will to us all….you might be having problems in your relationship, or you have shady friends, you just miscarried, or something just didnt go right, remember that it will all work out in the end! Believe me, Ive been there…Ive been through a divorce, Ive been through 3 miscarriages, and God knows Ive had some shady friends in my life, just know that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel and sooner or later it will get better. Just stick it out and stay strong. Keep going for your dreams, and dont let it get you down and keep you down. Like the song says…God will make this trial a blessing, though it sends me to my knees..though my tears flow like a river, yet in him theres sweet release…theres no need to get discouraged, theres no need to talk defeat, God will make this trial a blessing and the whole wide world will see!!!!
9. On a lighter note….”The Way to a Mans Heart is through his stomach”….lol…..first off this is true! But its not about cooking or making the perfect feast…its about the fact that you took enough time to try and sweep him off his feet. You didnt go all psycho on him and become a class 5 clinger, you went home and cooked and tried to make him happy. And deep down, every man wants a woman that is homey…he wants to know that she has the qualities to sustain a home, and children (if necessary). He wants the feeling of home with the person that he settles down with. Thats normal. If he wasnt looking for this in you, then you could resonably assume that he wanted something that is temporary. Just sit and think on this one for a little bit and you will understand.:)
10. Live every single day like he deploys tomorrow. All in all, Ive seen so many couples that go about their lives in and out everyday like tomorrow will be just like today and you start to take advantage of having that person around. Its really hard to not do that in fact, because we become so attatched to our spouse/person of interest that our minds just reasonably assume that they will be there tomorrow. Try to do one thing a day that is out of the ordinary….that is unexpected, that tells him, yanno what, Im glad you are here! Dont become that old married couple that sits idly by one another and barely even speak to each other….be the old married couple that the woman is doing the dishes and he comes by and slaps her on the butt! 
Show affection! Be in Love! Your kids will(or will one day need) to see why their parents are in love and why they are married. Dont live your lives just being….be playful and fun to live with…wrestle and tickle….bring smiles into your lives! There is only ONE life to live…so live it up!
11. And heaven forbid, but say that someday, things go bad….life seems dreary and you cannot remember the love between you and your husband. If divorce is imminent, then just realize that its not the end of the world. Not every divorce leads to heartache and turmoil. Sometimes people can break it off, and see the better for themselves. But know that you are not a failure because it didnt work! Most people out there, have been divorced. And thats not a bad thing! Its not being afraid to let go of something that didnt work. Its just having to stop beating that dead horse and walking away knowing that you gave it everything that you could. We all want the perfect fairy tale where we have been together for all time and there was never another, but in real life, it seldomly happens. What you thought worked 5 years ago, may have been something else that you just couldnt see at the time. Ive been there. I thought that friendship would make it work, and keep it going. And to be honest it didnt…it was too far gone at that point and we did the only thing that we could do. Even with a small baby, I stepped out and said I CANNOT do this anymore! And when I took that step out, God rebuttled and sent me a man far more than anything I could have ever imagined! He sent me an angel in disguise…..and just know that when you are in that fog, and you think OMG if we get divorced i will never have a life again….just keep in mind that you cant see what is ahead of you….you just need to follow your heart and it will take you where you need to be. THis is not to say that we should all just give up and walk away, because Im definatly not saying that here! Im saying, give it everything, every single tear and every single ounce of courage that you have….and when you have no more, do not be afraid to just say I cant anymore! Who knows….your partner might have another round that hes saved up for this…or he may just say, when you cant I can…and pick you and your family up and put you on his shoulders and carry you til you can walk again. He just has to be strong enough to try it again and give it 110% this time.
12. Im trying this one out…Its hard for a lot of people…used to be super easy for me, but then I guess my head got stuck up my butt for a while…but maybe this is one of the biggest ones since its so hard. Live and Let go! Dont be afraid of the past…and try to let it go and move on. Life changes, so do people, but the times you had will always be there. Im trying to be like before and forgive and forget…and ill let you know how it goes….but the thing is you cant hold it in forever. If its old news then leave it where it was and move on. Stress changes people and so do life changes, and then sometimes people figure out that they havent been themselves lately. Just try your best to be open minded and not dwell on the past
13. And one of the biggest ones, and the one that pisses most people off is this….just stop and think about your life, and think about your recent history….if something happens, and you lose friendships…then so be it. But if it happens over and over again, and its different people, and it never seems to stop…then Just MAYBE it might be you thats the problem…maybe you should take some time off, and readjust yourself where you can make and keep friends, and the same thing doesnt happen over and over…..It might be something small, or it might be a total readjustment to your attitude or personality. I will not be ashamed to say, that I truly have done this, here recently. After a breakup of a huge friendship, it sometimes does that to you….and I can tell you all, that since then, I think I have changed for the better. I am a better friend and a better person for it. Its part of everyday life, just accept the change and dont fight it! You are bettering yourself, dont be scared!
14. One thing that I see more and more in this military wife lifestyle that I have, is that most people dont adjust well. We are forced in this lifestyle to move from one walk of life to another, and sometimes it takes some people longer than it does others. Be open and understanding when it comes to this. Its never easy for any of us to pick up everything that we own and just move, but for some of us, it could be even more challenging. Dont judge because you dont know what the person went through the last time around, or where they just came from. Open your mind and realize that we are all humans and it takes us all time to get into a regular schedule and to get comfortable in our new environment.
15. As a Military wife, you understand that you meet new friends and then you have to let them go and move on with their husband and follow him in their own endevors….its never going to be how it used to be when you move away, and thats something that you have to understand and be mature about. Chances are though, sooner or later you will end back up somewhere together, and get to see each other and enjoy having someone close, but be open to meeting new people. Everyone is different and we all need a support system.
16. Something Im really noticing, is Im changing as a second term wife….the first duty station, it was all about fun and finding new friends and going out and not caring who is around and not trying to be nice to the people that are married to men your husband work with. I see myself this time, trying to make sure that there is always an open line of communication and that there is absolutely NO DRAMA when it concerns these relationships…and the reason that is, Im not sure. I do not feel like I need to be best friends with these people….but if it happened I would be okay with it. But my biggest thing is that I just dont want any trouble to be going on with my husband at work. I do not want to be selfish and have a problem with someone elses wife and my husband suffer the consequences. You all know that I am NOT a fake person, and Im not really good at trying to be nice if I dont want to be….but there comes a point when I realize no matter what I have to suck it up and put on my big girl panties and plaster my smile on my face and not always say what I want or how I feel. If I need to say those things, I say them to my husband…and I see maturity affecting that aspect of my life a lot. Im growing into a woman that doesnt want any problems with anyone, and I feel like I go out of my way to ensure that…and thats not me being fake, its me being mature about it for my husband.
