Life Lessons…

Well, Ive been sitting around the house lately, with a lot of thoughts running through my head…thinking about how things are and how things have been. And I just want to throw them all out there…and if it makes anyone mad, Im sorry, if it helps then Im glad….

Things your mom MIGHT have told you and might not have….

1. In every persons life, there is going to come a time, where you have to make choices….some are easier than others, and some you have to give up a lot to make something else happen. In my short 24 years, Ive made the easy choice, and realized to my dismay that it wasnt what I really wanted….so the next time it came around, I made that hard choice..the one where I was unsure of the outcome, worried, but I just had to lay it all in Gods hands and say there it is….and you know something, sometimes I think that just maybe thats what we are supposed to do. We’re supposed to be unsure, we’re supposed to “live on the edge” and thats what life is made of! If you never risk anything, then what is there to gain? My point is that you shouldnt be afraid of doing the unexpected, or doing the thing that may not look like what you pictured it would look like. Remember that things are never as they seem, and just like my mom always used to tell us, never judge a book by its cover. God works in mysterious ways and there might be an oasis around that big mountain in front of you, but you’ll never know til you start climbing.

2. DONT GIVE UP!!! As Military spouses, and even being a civilian wife with a husband that has to travel from time to time, you have to look at the big picture of it all. I know that there are times, in deployments, where you just want to give up, and you just want it to be easy again. You dont want to be alone and you are tired of not getting “what you deserve” out of your partner….but those are the times, to hold on tight, dig those heels in and remember…..take the time to sit down and watch home videos, or look at old pics, think about old times…and remember all the dreams and plans you have….those dreams havent changed all because of a 7 month deployment, or a 6 month float…come on! Hold on and remember the wants and desires, and the feeling of being there with him. Just remember, if you end it then, and you begin it with someone else, then you have to go through all the hard parts that you have already tackled with your current partner…so why? Why not stick it out and put that effort into showing them just how much you love them. Believe me, HOMECOMING is worth it!!!! To wrap your arms around someone that you havent been able to touch for 7 months, to feel those butterflies all over again…its worth it!

3. A Friend in Need is a friend indeed…..No matter what Ive been through, this has been and still is the hardest lesson to learn. I want so much to like people and to accept them and to have as many friends as possible that I forget that there are people out there, that are users and backstabbers, and betrayers. And to be honest, we all have probably at least once in our lives not been the kind of friend that we would want. The biggest load of advice that I can give about this, is to take it slowly…get to know the person, get to know their families…their likes and dislikes….find out what kind of relationships they have and have had in the past. WHat kinds of things do they want to do with you? Is it stuff that your partner would be upset about? Is it stuff that you wouldnt be proud to call home to mom and say hey we’re going here….remember, we all have people looking up to us, whether that be children, brothers, sisters, neices, nephews….we all are setting the example. What kind of example do you want to be?

4. And , just know that there are always people out there that support you and love you and want the very best for you….even though it may not seem that way right now. Sometimes there are exceptions to every rule…but thats just it, they are EXCEPTIONS, and more times than not, it may be exactly how it looks to everyone else, you just have blinders on and are in denial. Most people wont tell you the truth, because they would rather you figure it out on your own than get mad at them, but you all know me, and know that Im not that kind of person.

5. “Birds of a Feather Flock Together”….Well this one is more controversial…but its something that I can see a LOT in my life. My mom always told us that Birds of a feather flock together….so in other words, hang out with people that you wouldnt mind people judging you by your friends actions….surround yourself with people that are good influences, not bad ones….surround yourselves with positive influences not ones that people can automatically assume make you look bad. I know it may be judgemental, but honestly, how many times do we think bad of someone just because of the company that they keep?! Friends are friends because they have common interests, so make sure that you buddy up with people that keep other peoples vision of you untainted.

6. “If it looks like poop….chances are it probably is…..” How horrible is this one? Basically just saying before you get into a situation, then annalyze it ahead of time. Take the time, to see the bad not only the good. If its a friend, and you notice that they have a LOT of enemies…then find out why. And heaven forbid you dont and then they end up doing the same thing to you…..God knows its happened to me, one too many times. Basically just learn your lesson and dont just take someones word that they have changed…make sure that their actions show that they have put some forth of an effort. And if it happens more than once, dont wait around for it to happen again!! There are BILLIONS of people on this world, and there are probably many people around you that are looking for new friends….so dont just be friends with someone because you knew them in the past. Be cautious, this is your life, your family, your feelings on the line…why chance it again???

7. Nothing is certain…..Just know that Nothing, or anyone is certain. It could all change with a turn of the dime, and you just have to prepare yourself with any and all circumstances. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst….be an optimist…remember the glass is half full!!!!

8. And when those bad times come around, because they will to us all….you might be having problems in your relationship, or you have shady friends, you just miscarried, or something just didnt go right, remember that it will all work out in the end! Believe me, Ive been there…Ive been through a divorce, Ive been through 3 miscarriages, and God knows Ive had some shady friends in my life, just know that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel and sooner or later it will get better. Just stick it out and stay strong. Keep going for your dreams, and dont let it get you down and keep you down. Like the song says…God will make this trial a blessing, though it sends me to my knees..though my tears flow like a river, yet in him theres sweet release…theres no need to get discouraged, theres no need to talk defeat, God will make this trial a blessing and the whole wide world will see!!!!

9. On a lighter note….”The Way to a Mans Heart is through his stomach”….lol…..first off this is true! But its not about cooking or making the perfect feast…its about the fact that you took enough time to try and sweep him off his feet. You didnt go all psycho on him and become a class 5 clinger, you went home and cooked and tried to make him happy. And deep down, every man wants a woman that is homey…he wants to know that she has the qualities to sustain a home, and children (if necessary). He wants the feeling of home with the person that he settles down with. Thats normal. If he wasnt looking for this in you, then you could resonably assume that he wanted something that is temporary. Just sit and think on this one for a little bit and you will understand.:)

10. Live every single day like he deploys tomorrow. All in all, Ive seen so many couples that go about their lives in and out everyday like tomorrow will be just like today and you start to take advantage of having that person around. Its really hard to not do that in fact, because we become so attatched to our spouse/person of interest that our minds just reasonably assume that they will be there tomorrow. Try to do one thing a day that is out of the ordinary….that is unexpected, that tells him, yanno what, Im glad you are here! Dont become that old married couple that sits idly by one another and barely even speak to each other….be the old married couple that the woman is doing the dishes and he comes by and slaps her on the butt! ūüėÄ Show affection! Be in Love! Your kids will(or will one day need) to see why their parents are in love and why they are married. Dont live your lives just being….be playful and fun to live with…wrestle and tickle….bring smiles into your lives! There is only ONE life to live…so live it up!

11. And heaven forbid, but say that someday, things go bad….life seems dreary and you cannot remember the love between you and your husband. If divorce is imminent, then just realize that its not the end of the world. Not every divorce leads to heartache and turmoil. Sometimes people can break it off, and see the better for themselves. But know that you are not a failure because it didnt work! Most people out there, have been divorced. And thats not a bad thing! Its not being afraid to let go of something that didnt work. Its just having to stop beating that dead horse and walking away knowing that you gave it everything that you could. We all want the perfect fairy tale where we have been together for all time and there was never another, but in real life, it seldomly happens. What you thought worked 5 years ago, may have been something else that you just couldnt see at the time. Ive been there. I thought that friendship would make it work, and keep it going. And to be honest it didnt…it was too far gone at that point and we did the only thing that we could do. Even with a small baby, I stepped out and said I CANNOT do this anymore! And when I took that step out, God rebuttled and sent me a man far more than anything I could have ever imagined! He sent me an angel in disguise…..and just know that when you are in that fog, and you think OMG if we get divorced i will never have a life again….just keep in mind that you cant see what is ahead of you….you just need to follow your heart and it will take you where you need to be. THis is not to say that we should all just give up and walk away, because Im definatly not saying that here! Im saying, give it everything, every single tear and every single ounce of courage that you have….and when you have no more, do not be afraid to just say I cant anymore! Who knows….your partner might have another round that hes saved up for this…or he may just say, when you cant I can…and pick you and your family up and put you on his shoulders and carry you til you can walk again. He just has to be strong enough to try it again and give it 110% this time.

12. Im trying this one out…Its hard for a lot of people…used to be super easy for me, but then I guess my head got stuck up my butt for a while…but maybe this is one of the biggest ones since its so hard. Live and Let go! Dont be afraid of the past…and try to let it go and move on. Life changes, so do people, but the times you had will always be there. Im trying to be like before and forgive and forget…and ill let you know how it goes….but the thing is you cant hold it in forever. If its old news then leave it where it was and move on. Stress changes people and so do life changes, and then sometimes people figure out that they havent been themselves lately. Just try your best to be open minded and not dwell on the past

13. And one of the biggest ones, and the one that pisses most people off is this….just stop and think about your life, and think about your recent history….if something happens, and you lose friendships…then so be it. But if it happens over and over again, and its different people, and it never seems to stop…then Just MAYBE it might be you thats the problem…maybe you should take some time off, and readjust yourself where you can make and keep friends, and the same thing doesnt happen over and over…..It might be something small, or it might be a total readjustment to your attitude or personality. I will not be ashamed to say, that I truly have done this, here recently. After a breakup of a huge friendship, it sometimes does that to you….and I can tell you all, that since then, I think I have changed for the better. I am a better friend and a better person for it. Its part of everyday life, just accept the change and dont fight it! You are bettering yourself, dont be scared!

14. One thing that I see more and more in this military wife lifestyle that I have, is that most people dont adjust well. We are forced in this lifestyle to move from one walk of life to another, and sometimes it takes some people longer than it does others. Be open and understanding when it comes to this. Its never easy for any of us to pick up everything that we own and just move, but for some of us, it could be even more challenging. Dont judge because you dont know what the person went through the last time around, or where they just came from. Open your mind and realize that we are all humans and it takes us all time to get into a regular schedule and to get comfortable in our new environment.

15. As a Military wife, you understand that you meet new friends and then you have to let them go and move on with their husband and follow him in their own endevors….its never going to be how it used to be when you move away, and thats something that you have to understand and be mature about. Chances are though, sooner or later you will end back up somewhere together, and get to see each other and enjoy having someone close, but be open to meeting new people. Everyone is different and we all need a support system.

16. Something Im really noticing, is Im changing as a second term wife….the first duty station, it was all about fun and finding new friends and going out and not caring who is around and not trying to be nice to the people that are married to men your husband work with. I see myself this time, trying to make sure that there is always an open line of communication and that there is absolutely NO DRAMA when it concerns these relationships…and the reason that is, Im not sure. I do not feel like I need to be best friends with these people….but if it happened I would be okay with it. But my biggest thing is that I just dont want any trouble to be going on with my husband at work. I do not want to be selfish and have a problem with someone elses wife and my husband suffer the consequences. You all know that I am NOT a fake person, and Im not really good at trying to be nice if I dont want to be….but there comes a point when I realize no matter what I have to suck it up and put on my big girl panties and plaster my smile on my face and not always say what I want or how I feel. If I need to say those things, I say them to my husband…and I see maturity affecting that aspect of my life a lot. Im growing into a woman that doesnt want any problems with anyone, and I feel like I go out of my way to ensure that…and thats not me being fake, its me being mature about it for my husband.

Published in: on April 5, 2009 at 3:06 pm  Leave a Comment  

Judgements

It amazes me how many people “judge” others….it could be by their actions, it could be by their interests, or by their family members. I do not understand why it is so hard to NOT judge others…Just accept them! Or how about this….why is it so hard to keep your mouth shut about people when you are near someone else??? I am sick and tired of it! Im tired of sitting by and keeping my mouth shut constantly and people not giving me that same respect back. So here goes….
Maybe in another life, maybe I could be as careless and rude….but not in this one. My parents raised me to treat people as you want to be treated….we were Southern East Coasters…you know the kind that you see in books talking about the civil war…..but that was my life. We were taught to respect your elders, and to enjoy life, however that may pan out for you. We were taught to smile at strangers and not to judge other people unless you want to be judged….we were taught that respect is earned but everyone deserves a chance. In conflicts, we were taught to confront people and tell them, I do not like when you do that…..and in turn those people were taught to say Im sorry and try to be better.
But here, in the life that I lead now…NONE Of this makes sense. No one follows the rules here….I tried to fit in, to be like camoflauge and blend in with my surroundings, but after a month of being around people that could not seperate truth from lies….or venting and talking smack….I said NO MORE….I would rather be at home with my family than to be around people who cannot even behave like civilized adults. I know that was the smart move. But it has not left me with the greatest results.
Since then, Ive had people come to my door and be rude in the name of curiosity…Ive had people judge me and my family because of the way we live, Hell Ive even had someone spray my doorhandle with cooking spray…..hardeeharrharr….I hear you laughing and snickering because you think its funny. Imagine, spend all night in the ER with your newborn baby getting stuck by more needles than you knew that they could pull out….with the baby running a 103 temp and meds not changing that….come home and then realize that someone that is very immature smeared cooking spray all over your door and the floor below the door. WHat would you do? Would you laugh if your child slipped and fell because of that mess??
Thats not all, Im angry that people want to put me into their own classifications because of what I enjoy to do….Screw that! I read….that makes me intellectual….that makes me a person that is trying to better myself. Or how about this…I blog….that makes me someone who is so in touch with my feelings that I can put them into words so that the people around me can understand me. I am not afraid to voice my opinions, because I and they are REAL….there is no hidden agenda anywhere in my words. I say how I feel. Are you upset that I dont come to your door and tell you to your face? WHy? WHat good would that do? You sit behind your doors and you smear peoples names in the excuse of “venting”….you laugh and make fun of people because they arent like you….Do I open my mouth and tell what you’ve said….NOPE. Because Im not that person….I am sick and tired of it…I take myself out of the equation .

Published in: on March 23, 2009 at 2:09 am  Leave a Comment  

Being a Friend

Not very sure about this one…in fact, I have been almost to the point where I am totally uncomfortable talking about it, because of the fear of someone taking something the wrong way. But Im learning, that I cant do that anymore, and that if they would get mad over something so petty then they surely weren’t a friend to begin with. Here’s to me…being honest in all my feelings and thoughts…and whether they are controlled by emotions due to pregnancy or if its just me being me…I guess we will find out later.
Day in and day out, I look at people, I watch them interact…and it makes me wonder. For me, I never feel as though friendship comes easy anymore, that I always have to step way out and try to make friends, and people never come to me. Now, certainly, in every instance, I know that is not the case, there are people that make an effort..but I feel I greatly disappoint them. I am not extremely outgoing, or overfriendly to people whom I barely know….and I have a HUGE wall around me. When you first meet me, I show a very small glimpse of the person that I am…the outgoing part of me, that is giving and friendly…but then I back away and come back down to earth…..and watch. I analyze the situation…I prepare myself..for what, Im not sure. I try to maintain and to be dependable…to be the kind of person that I would want as a friend, but I also have seen lately that people get disappointed by this. They want a buddy, a pal, someone to do things with on a constant basis…and at this point, Im just not ready to give that to anyone other than my family. Whether this is because of past friendships, or something more, Im not sure. I do know that I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I am very weary about getting close to people, because it seems as though I will get hurt by the smallest thing. I am sensative, I continually worry about what someone will think or what they will do, if they know us inside and out, like most of our good friends do. I wait for people to prove us wrong about them…to prove to us that they can be like they say, and not say bad words about us when our backs are turned. This reasoning, has lead to me having some of the best friends I could have ever asked for…some of the most dependable and honest friends, that I know no matter what will be there, even when Im on the oposite side of the world than them. Unfortunatly, people dont want to prove us wrong, they want the easy fix, the easy friends, the ones that smile and act fake…and tell you the sky is blue when its getting ready to crash…but for us, a handful of friends that we can count on, that we can trust, and can talk to about anything, and know that it is safe and it will continue to always be safe,are worth all the fake friends in the world.
Does this make us bad, or different? I think it does. Most people live by the easy fix, the one where they can be happy at that current time. As for us, we are happy already..we could live day in and day out and only be surrounded by each other and that would be just fine.. so to go the extent of inviting them into our lives and being a part of our time…is a huge deal. That says, we trust you.. but why isnt that understood? Should I have to stand from the roof and scream out how this person is my friend? Should I have to be around them everyday, buddy buddy, when at this point, for me to get up and go anywhere is a HUGE deal…and I dont see that changing anytime soon. Im pregnant, in a month, Ill be having a baby, and then breastfeeding, on top of spending time with my two other children. Yes, I could use help, will I EVER ask for it? You can count on the answer being NO to that one….unless there is no alternative, you will not catch me asking for a favor.

Published in: on January 6, 2009 at 11:23 pm  Comments (1)  

Hello world!

Imagine this, a blogger who has not found the time or the ideals to blog about for a continued week!  I started this site, because a friend of mine, has one, and I thought WOW, now thats what I need!  But since, everytime I sit down to write, all I can think of is petty things to talk about that are going on in my day, that surely no one wants to hear or know about.  After all, Im a 25 year old Marine wife, with two kids and one on the way, (that likes teasing Mom about coming early just a little too much!)  I do, though, find that life here in Okinawa, Japan has really changed so much about myself, and my kids and my life, that its almost unthinkable to accept that we are the same people that stepped on that plane 5 months ago. 

¬† So maybe the petty things in my life are what sets us apart from the regular civilian wife or mother.¬† Ive never been a civilian wife and mother, so I truthfully could not tell you.¬† I have lived my life for the past five, going on 6 years as a Marine Wife. We have moved from place to place…from Fort Leonardwood, Missouri to Camp Lejeune, North Carolina, and now on to Okinawa, Japan.¬† Im sure that many more people have had many more experiences in my role, but my life for these last 6 years has not been boring in the least.¬† I will begin with my stories, and experiences, so you can learn me and understand me.¬† ¬†I started off like many, a young 19 year old, ready to explore the world, with no baggage and no claims.¬† Married on a whim to my very best friend in high school, that I truly never even kissed until my wedding day!¬† He offered to take me with him, to show me the world, and in that we hoped that love would blossom out of a miraculous friendship.¬† Looking back, I think, OH MY GOD!!!¬† How insane was that?¬† I wasn’t raised with those kinds of morals….my parents taught us to love and to get married to that person and have babies with them, and try to never have to divorce.¬† But as a 19 year old, it was adventure, it was defiance, it was something that would keep them on their toes.¬† The first few months went by, and he was in bootcamp, then MCT and then he was off, to school in Missouri.¬† It was only supposed to be for three months and according to the military I wasnt allowed to come on their dime.¬† But like everything else, I had to defy.¬† So I packed all my belongings up, stacked them in the¬†back of my truck and pulled off from my small hometown in Western North Carolina.¬† The drive was long, but I felt free for the first time in my life.¬† I was an adult!¬† My husband at the time, had gone over to the apartment that I had called about in advance, to give them the deposit of $300.¬† So when I showed up, he had already gone back on post to school, and I was left to my own devices.¬† I remember pulling up, with my mapquest papers in hand, and being in shock..as I realized my apartment was on the top floor, and I now lived in the ghetto! There were no people outside to help me carry my things up to the room, except for the couple at the end of the driveway that were screaming at one another and throwing beer bottles at one another!¬† Haha….All I could think is that I needed to get everything up to my room as soon as possible so it didnt get stolen!¬† So all 120 pounds of me carried everything from a 38 inch tv to my one piece of furniture…my futon…lol…up this skinny flight of stairs.¬† Dont ask me how, but somehow it got in the apartment.¬† Then I realized… I need food and cleaning supplies.¬† Venturing out of the ghetto…I saw a grocery store about 2 miles away and proceeded to stock up on all the things any normal 19 year old eats.¬† And noticed the help wanted sign, so I applied for a job. Walking into my new apartment I received the telephone call that I was hired…..AMAZING!¬† I felt like an adult.¬† I had a job, I had my own place, and no family around.¬†

¬† The ghetto proved to be more challenging than I ever imagined it would be over the next 6 months.¬† With only one source of heat, (a gas heater mounted to the wall), and no washer/dryer my life became more and more hard as everyday passed. I seldom found myself comfortable in my¬†own home because of the loud fighting outside and the gun shots that sometimes¬†rang out.¬† But my husband came to see me on the weekends when I wasnt working, and it would pass the¬†time watching him play videogames.¬† Work seemed good, as I was a manager for a company that sold magazines over the telephone….yes a telemarketing service.¬† After they would make the calls, I would head out and meet the people and sit down in their homes and sign the contract with them.¬† It was¬†a fun job… I got to meet new people, and they had the chance to sit and laugh about my accent.¬† Everyday was an adventure.¬† Then, the 6 months was over, and it was time to set on a new journey….to Camp Lejeune,¬†North Carolina.

Published in: on November 19, 2008 at 11:38 pm  Comments (1)